November 26, 2020 An Occurrence

I've been sitting on this piece of writing for awhile now. Getting personal here? Leaves me feeling a tad vulnerable...so here goes.... I've titled it:
*Who Told Me*
Who told me....
Who told me that having a double-chin was a negative physical attribute?
Who told me that having fat on my belly made me a fat person?
Who told me that flesh on my hips was a repercussion of me being unfit?
Who told me that my legs were nice, because of the size they are? What makes them attractive, but another size not? Who. Told. Me. That.
Who told me that taking up more space a.k.a. weighing heavier was ugly?
Who told me that taking up less space a.k.a. weighing less was beautiful?
Who told me that size {insert size here} was more attractive than size {insert size here}.
Who told me that some foods are good....and most are bad.
Who told me about:
restricting food
more exercise
less exercise
more of "this" food and "less" of that food....
Don't eat bread, fruit, SUGAR!
Who in the dang heck told me that?
Who told me that a little muscle definition in the arms was a sure sign I was doing something right.
Who told me that if my stomach didn't appear flat in those pants/skirt, shorts/bathing suit, then I was fat.
Fact: I am today years old and still dialogue with myself with the above questions...and to be honest, I hadn't realized how often until I started writing this piece. And from chatting with some of you guys, I know I'm not alone.
Sigh.......
Then I start beating myself up with phrases like "Come on Ingrid! You're a 46 year old. Get over it already."
But the truth is: social media, t.v., peers, ME has been telling myself the same story for so long. The pathways in my brain are well worn. I desire for the trails of negative talk in my mind to become so grown over with truth that I believe a completely different thing. I'm a work in progress though. And I have come a long way from where I was. How do I replace the negative thoughts a.k.a. lies? It feels weird and self-serving to actually tell myself that I'm beautiful....awkward and jarring.....so I will start somewhere else. I will start with He who never lies.
"I praise You because I am fearfully{remarkably} and wonderfully{set apart} made {miracle, wondrous}. Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14
This is where I must look for the Truth....everything else just seems a little…….off.