October 15, 2020 An Occurrence

Have you ever watched birds hovering against the wind? Seemingly unable to move even an inch....I observed this the other day upon reaching the top of a local mountain. As I watched, I said out loud to the ladies with me, "Oh how I wish I was one of those birds! I wish I could do that! Be up in the air....without a care in the world." But those thoughts changed as my mind wandered. My insides did a funny flip-flop and I said, "what if those birds are actually feeling the exact opposite of pure joy? What if they are actually fighting with all of their might to get to where they're headed? What if the story is not what it appears, but is actually a bit of a nightmare for those birds?" To me they looked to be floating on top of the world. Weightless. Hovering. Suspended. But what if we can't judge a book by its cover.....What if they were fighting with every ounce of their winged beings against the wind? If I could look into their eyes, would they be focused on a destination? Pushing, pushing, pushing....and then we started heading down the mountain and I didn't think of those birds until a few days later. When I began to feel some ugly stuff. And here is the moment I get real with you guys; I get jealous. I get jealous of people I follow on social media. I am envious of their status, what they have accomplished and their work. I daily fall into the trap of comparison as I scroll....watching the highlight reel of everyone's life on the interwebs. It's not that I actually think all the people have it all together....I'm not that naive, but the never-ending scroll of 99% only the 'good stuff' takes a toll on my human, judgmental, jealous self......and then it hit me; what if some of what I'm seeing is not as it seems? What if my brain has chosen to believe that the perspective that her/his life/business is so great and they are just seemingly soaring at the top of the world....and that is not really the whole truth? It seems ridiculous as I write this. I know that people's lives are not perfect. But the portrayal on the Instagram etc. tells me a different story. So I write this mostly for myself. What would happen if I changed my mind's thought process from "I'm jealous of x,y,z" to "that individual appears to be on top of the world, and I choose to be happy for them, even though the story behind the scenes may be one of struggling, pushing and striving with all their might." I'm going to give it a whirl. I want to be that person that celebrates when someone does something extraordinary or just plain ordinary. People show that kindness to me all the time. Perhaps I am being too hard on myself.....maybe I am the bird that is flying against the wind with all her might, eyes focused on a destination out of reach. Maybe I should take a moment and switch gears. Maybe I should soar.
Which bird are you?